Tuesday, December 17, 2013

D******.....

This past week in class we talked about the dreaded "D" word, divorce. Originally I had always thought of it as a "bad" word, one that I didn't really want to think about or deal with. And although I still hope I never face divorce personally, I have now realized it's not something I can completely avoid. Throughout my life I will probably know several couples that have divorced, and several children of similar couples. So I think it's important to understand because like it or not, we're going to have to deal with it at some point.

One thing that I found really interesting was that there are stages or "stations" of divorce. They include:
  • emotional - detachment from your spouse and from the marriage in general
  • legal - when the court says it's officially ended
  • economic - division of resources
  • co-parental - custody of children
  • community - division of friends and other relationships
  • psychic - becoming your own person again
I think these are important to understand for a few reasons. First of all, if you can recognize detachment in  your marriage early you can work to correct it. Perhaps you can even recognize it in a friend's or co-workers marriage and try to find ways to help them. Also, detachment is important when divorce actually happens. Sometimes divorce is necessary, and regardless after divorce both parties need to detach emotionally to have closure and move on in life. Another reason I think it's important to understand the stations of divorce is because many people get a divorce because they think it will be easier. When you look at all the changes that happen and things that need to be figured out, it doesn't look so easy. I also think it's important to understand the changes the couple is going through as they divorce. It enables you to better help and support them, and if they have children it gives you an idea of the different stressors the might be experiencing. Children also have to detach themselves emotionally from the idea of their parents' marriage. Their economic status will change, and so will their community. They'll have different living arrangements and see different friends, peers, and role models. And they too have to redefine their individual person a little bit.

There's a reason divorce is a topic most people like to avoid. It changes a lot of things in so many people's lives, and it's usually a pretty painful experience. But when we understand divorce a little bit better, I think we can not only prepare to help people who have gone through a divorce, we can also work to avoid it. So here's to my "some day" family! I hope we never have first-hand experience with divorce, but I also hope we can help and encourage those around us who do.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Purposes....

I believe there are purposes for everything in life. A vast majority I think we probably don't understand, or maybe we just don't know yet, but that doesn't mean there isn't a purpose. This week in class we talked about parenting, and we discussed the purposes of parenting.

Michael H. Popkin said that the purpose of parenting is "to protect and prepare our children to survive and thrive in the world they are going to live in." My teacher Brother Williams defined the purpose of parenting as, "to help children to be successful in this life and to prepare for eternal life." I think both definitions are worth mentioning because both contain very strong points. I think it is significant to mention that parents are responsible to teach their children not only how to survive, but also to thrive. Personally I don't want my children to just "get by" in life. I want them to be happy and to feel like they contribute and are successful no matter what they choose to do. The second noteworthy point which is mentioned in the second definition is that we are not only preparing our children for this mortal experience but also for eternal life. I hope that I will be able to instil an eternal perspective in my children as we progress through life together.

Parenting helps parents to prepare for eternal life because parents must learn to sacrifice and develop selflessness. They learn to discipline and teach, and to try to be more like Heavenly Father as they do so.They come to understand and know God through their experiences as parents, and they learn better how to love. Children are prepared for eternal life through their parents' instruction, guidance and discipline. They learn how to contribute to the world and benefit society. And they too learn to love and come to know God as they develop relationships with their parents. Parenting is such an important part of life, and truthfully it has so many purposes. But most importantly I think it helps us become like our Heavenly Parents. So here's to my "some day" family - I hope we can learn some of the purposes of life together. And I pray I will be able to fulfill my purpose as a mother some day.

Work...

I remember when I was a kid, we used to sing this song (I'm not sure if it originated with Barney or not, but it was at least part of the show.) whenever we were going to pick things up. If you're and 80's or 90's kid I'm sure you've heard it, if not - it went like this: "Clean up, clean up. Everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up. Everybody do your share." and you'd repeat it a few times as you cleaned. I know it's just a silly song, but I remember it some twenty years later. But in reality it's not about the song, it's about the values it taught me. I feel like I learned to work and to contribute. As I'm getting older I'm realizing what an important lesson that was.

Today it seems like work has become such a bad thing. Most people seem to do anything they can to get out of work. But I think work has very real benefits, especially family work.

  • Work teaches you to contribute - to your family, your community and to society in general. Seeing the effects of your contribution can teach you of your worth and value as you see how what you do makes a difference.
  • Work teaches you skills. Most work requires that you work with others, so you have to learn communication skills and cooperation. You usually learn from other people so you learn how to listen and to obey for lack of a better term. Sometimes you get to teach others and then you learning teaching and leadership skills. Work can teach patience as well as perseverance.
  • Work teaches you responsibility. You learn to help and care for others. You learn to be accountable for different chores or tasks. You learn that some things need to be done, and sometimes they're tedious and repetitive but still important.
  • And SO much more.
Work can teach us so many things that really are important to life. When we work together as a family we can learn together. Parents have an opportunity to spend quality time with their children - to talk and make memories, as well as to teach and instill important values in them. It's a great bonding experience and a significant opportunity for growth. So here's to my "some day" family - whether we're cleaning the kitchen or weeding the garden I hope we can learn to the value of work together.