Loose Connections.....

When I was in high school I was in a play called "Loose Connections." Essentially it was about all the barriers to communication there are in our lives. It was pretty funny, but also very accurate. This week in class we talked about communication. And one thing we specifically talked about was having councils. We talked about how the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have councils, and so here is a model we can pattern our own family councils after.

• Meet regularly - weekly if possible. Set aside a specific day and time to gather together and discuss important topics. Make it a priority.
• Set aside a place to meet - gather together in a quiet, private place where you can really focus and give your attention to the needs of your family.
•  When you meet:

            1. Begin by expressing love and appreciation for each other. It helps to remind each other
                that you love each other. It also helps to reduce contention as you counsel together.
            2. Open with a prayer. This invites the Spirit to inspire you, and gives you an opportunity to
                for the will of the Lord.
            3. Discuss to consensus. Give everyone a chance to speak, and make sure to listen to them.
                Consensus means that everyone comes to the same decision. Opinions are not important,
                but you must truly seek what is best for the family, and what the will of the Lord is.
                *Once a decision is made everyone  must go forward wholeheartedly with that decision.
            4. Close with a prayer. Seek confirmation from the Father, ask him to help you go forward
                with faith, and thank him for his guidance and the many blessings which he as given you.
            5. Share refreshments afterwards. This helps to loosen any tension that may have come up,
                and to bond the family together through shared experience.

If we can truly learn to counsel together after such a manner we can better make decisions as a family, and we can grow together through all we face. Communication really is key to family success and happiness. So here's to my "some day" family, and learning to communicate and counsel together so that we can eliminate as many loose connections as possible.

Coping....

So last week in class we talked about dealing with challenges. The reality of life is that we will all face challenges and difficulties. It is in how we react to those situations that determines what our experiences will be. So how can we  prepare our families for life's challenges effectively?

     1. Develop relationships: as you develop your relationship with your family members it fosters
         problem solving and conflict management. When you know that you are loved it is easier to
         handle challenges and even conflicts within the family.
     2. Celebrate and spend time together: celebrating special events helps to build emotional
         strength between loved ones. Shared activities help you to bond together, and learn to
         go to each other for support and comfort.
     3. Accept each family member for who they are: learn to love every individual and to accept
         their personality and behavior. Love is essential to coping with challenges.
  
And how do we cope with these challenges?

     1. Take responsibility: don't deny or avoid the problem, don't blame others or play the victim,
         and work to chart a new course to overcome the challenges you face.
     2. Affirm your own and your families worth: sometimes you may have to remind yourself
         that you and your family are important, and that you are capable of coping.
     3. Balance self-concern with other-concern: it's easy to become self-absorbed in the face of
         challenges, but it's important to remember that your family members are also struggling
         and they have needs too.
     4. Learn to "Reframe": change the way you look at the situation. Try to see the challenges
         you experience as an opportunity for growth and an obstacle to overcome.

I truly believe that we can get through all of life's challenges successfully. That is the purpose for which we are on this earth. We came here to have experiences - to learn and to grow, and to overcome challenges. If we learn to over come the natural man and consciously work to put our family first. If we can build our relationships and strengthen our families, challenges can help us to grow closer together and closer to our Heavenly Father, and can ultimately be a blessing in our lives. So here's to my "some day" family. I know there are a lot of challenges ahead, but I also know we can overcome them, and we'll be better for it.

Fidelity...

So this week in class we talked about fidelity and there were some pretty interesting insights. Infidelity is a slippery slope that is much easier to fall down than we like to think. It can start small but it will fall rapidly if we aren't consciously avoiding it. So here are some safety precautions to keep in mind:
   1. Control your thoughts. Really this is important for living a chaste life anyways. But especially
       when you get married don't let yourself think about, fantasize about or lust after people of the
       opposite sex. This includes fictional characters and actors. If you're going to be completely
       faithful to your spouse they should be the only one you're thinking about.
   2. Don't be alone with people of the opposite sex. The issue isn't trust, it's safety. Why put yourself
       in a risky situation. If you really love your spouse you should be doing everything you can to
       protect your marriage. So don't be alone in a private place with other people. Don't confide in
       people other than your spouse - it forms emotional attachments. Share your hopes and dreams,
       as well as your concerns and fears with your spouse, it'll help you grow closer together and
       strengthen your marriage.
   3. Avoid pornography at ALL costs! Again this is important for living a chaste life, but
       pornography can come in so many different forms. To really be safe, chase and ultimately
       faithful to your spouse avoid anything that arouses those emotions intended for procreation and
       marital intimacy. That could mean "chick flicks,"  and books in addition to marketed
       pornographic materials.
If you do those things you'll never have to worry about the more serious forms of infidelity, and you'll be able to avoid the pain and grief that are associated with it. The easiest way to steer clear of infidelity is to think of it this way - the only thing that should come before your spouse is God. Those two things are thing only things we are commanded to love with our whole hearts. If that is where our hearts are, we will be safe and happy looking forward to eternity with our spouses and children, and most importantly our loving Heavenly parents. So here's to my "some day" family and staying as far away from the slippery slope of infidelity as possible. Because even now "some day" is that important to me. 

The Journey...

So this past week in class we talked about preparing for marriage. I like to think of it in stages of a journey. It begins with dating. Dating is the "variety" stage where you attempt to go on lots of dates with lots of different people. This type of dating allows you to learn how to relate with people, and to determine what you value, and it's a great opportunity to just have fun. After dating there's a filtering process where you have determined what you value and you select a person you would like to get to know better and possibly pursue a relationship with. Assuming, you are in mutual agreement you can proceed to the "exclusive/marriage potential" stage, courtship. Courtship is intentionally stepping into higher commitment. During courtship you continue going on dates, but now it's just with one person. You seek more experiences with the person so that you can get to know each other better, determine if you are compatible together, and see how they measure up to your (mental list of) values. Dating and courtship are both potentially "revision" processes. You may go on  several dates with the same person before potentially proceeding to courtship or deciding not to pursue the relationship further. Also, you may court someone for a period of time and then decide to end the relationship, or you may continue on your journey to engagement. Engagement is the prepare for wedding and marriage stage. During your engagement you get to continue establishing your relationship begin to practice decision making and  problem solving skills that you will use throughout your marriage. If all goes well engagement is followed by marriage and you continue your journey together for the rest on your lives and throughout eternity.

It's important to understand that patterns developed during courtship and engagement, and established early in the marriage will usually last throughout your lives. So how do you establish good patterns in your relationships? Here are just a few ideas:
   - Start learning to communicate with people as early as possible, preferably in the dating stage.
     And develop good communication skills with each other as you pursue the relationship further.
   - As you become engaged plan your wedding together. Practice and learn how to work together. It
     helps you learn to problem solve together, and to work through stress together. And it can be a
     great bonding experience.
   - Also, (especially as you are newly married) learn to confide in your spouse. You need to transition
     from discussing problems, goals, hopes, etc. with your friends or parents to reserving those things
     for your spouse. You need to learn to rely on each other.

So here's to my "some day" family! Right now I'm still in the dating stage, but some day we'll begin the courtship stage and we'll get to the engagement and marriage stages too. But I look forward to traveling this journey together.