The Journey...

So this past week in class we talked about preparing for marriage. I like to think of it in stages of a journey. It begins with dating. Dating is the "variety" stage where you attempt to go on lots of dates with lots of different people. This type of dating allows you to learn how to relate with people, and to determine what you value, and it's a great opportunity to just have fun. After dating there's a filtering process where you have determined what you value and you select a person you would like to get to know better and possibly pursue a relationship with. Assuming, you are in mutual agreement you can proceed to the "exclusive/marriage potential" stage, courtship. Courtship is intentionally stepping into higher commitment. During courtship you continue going on dates, but now it's just with one person. You seek more experiences with the person so that you can get to know each other better, determine if you are compatible together, and see how they measure up to your (mental list of) values. Dating and courtship are both potentially "revision" processes. You may go on  several dates with the same person before potentially proceeding to courtship or deciding not to pursue the relationship further. Also, you may court someone for a period of time and then decide to end the relationship, or you may continue on your journey to engagement. Engagement is the prepare for wedding and marriage stage. During your engagement you get to continue establishing your relationship begin to practice decision making and  problem solving skills that you will use throughout your marriage. If all goes well engagement is followed by marriage and you continue your journey together for the rest on your lives and throughout eternity.

It's important to understand that patterns developed during courtship and engagement, and established early in the marriage will usually last throughout your lives. So how do you establish good patterns in your relationships? Here are just a few ideas:
   - Start learning to communicate with people as early as possible, preferably in the dating stage.
     And develop good communication skills with each other as you pursue the relationship further.
   - As you become engaged plan your wedding together. Practice and learn how to work together. It
     helps you learn to problem solve together, and to work through stress together. And it can be a
     great bonding experience.
   - Also, (especially as you are newly married) learn to confide in your spouse. You need to transition
     from discussing problems, goals, hopes, etc. with your friends or parents to reserving those things
     for your spouse. You need to learn to rely on each other.

So here's to my "some day" family! Right now I'm still in the dating stage, but some day we'll begin the courtship stage and we'll get to the engagement and marriage stages too. But I look forward to traveling this journey together.